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How to embrace, and support, someone during Thier time of grief

So this has been weighing on my mind lately... When a friend, acquaintance, family member or even a loved one is going through a challenging time, a time of grief or loss, or is just dealing with a lot. How about a 'how to' and a 'what not to do guide'? I am not a therapist and I didn't study psychology, but I did study Communication and have a Master's Degree in Communication as well. So here are just a few words to share in case anyone has this issue to deal with in the future, from My Point of Heu of course.  

After my mom passed away last Spring, I didn't post anything on social media and I only told my close friends about it. Honestly for the first 24 hours I couldn't even talk, it was a really challenging time for an only child to a single parent to cope with that type of grief and loss.

​Anyhow, i can recall all the interactions that took place in the months thereafter and how it made me feel. Even now, 6 months after my mastectomy, you might say there is a period of loss or a minor time of grief in that case as well... And you either feel supported or you don't. So here's my insight and how to best help those who are coping during a challenging time. 

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What To DO:

1. Reach out in any form you feel comfortable. You can send a card, send flowers, send a text, call or even stop by in-person. It's ok to email, direct message or even tell a mutual friend your words of support. It never hurts to show compassion, care and love to someone who is hurting. 
2. Offer condolences. You can say "I am so sorry," "I am here for you," "Let me know if there is anything I can do." Just hearing those words and offers of support are extremely comforting and offer a sense of sincerity. 
3. Suggest ways to assist or help. You can always ask if there is anything that can be done on the home front. "Could we help with the pets, can I assist with providing a home cooked meal, do you need help cleaning, etc." For me I was off island and it was helpful to have people on Oahu offer to check-in on my cat or offer any type of assistance. On Kauai, people volunteered their time, helped with cleaning, brought meals, took me out of the house, chatted via phone, did research for me...
4. Follow-up with an un-obtrusive text. "Just checking in you... I am here for you. I am thinking of you" are nice and short and sweet.  
5. Be a problem solver. There are some obstacles one will face during this time of transition. Offer ways to overcome those obstacles and be proactive. 
6. Be tender yet positive. When someone is grieving it may bring them down if you are overcome with negative feelings so always encounter them with a positive mind and a positive spirit to bring the positivity levels up . 

What Not To DO:

1. Don't ignore the situation or pretend it didn't happen. This is very common and I feel like a lot of people don't know what to say, so they don't say anything at all. It is ok to acknowledge, say something with empathy and feel free to move on. 
2. Don't share excuses: like "I didn't know, I have had a hard time lately too, I have been busy, I wanted to reach out, I thought you were busy, I didn't want to bother you" One thing you might notice is all of these comments also start with I. That makes the period of grief about you and not the person experiencing it...thus not offering any support. 
3. Don't be a downer. Coping with a lot can mean it is taxing on the mind, body and soul. I found that during my time of grief I didn't have time to help others with their problems. I just couldn't handle it and needed the time for myself to build my spirit back again. Thus don't try to bog down this person when they need positivity the most. My role in many of my relationships is that I am the friend people seek for guidance and tell things to. But there was a period of time when I was juggling work, loss, clients, a home, dogs, etc and didn't care to take on the problems of everyone else, when I had my own to deal with. 
4. Don't Be a Paperclipper. Essentially a paperclipper is someone who doesn't really care about you, but wants you to know they are there. So they pop-up once in a while. I got paperclipped recently by an old friend. This person said "I've seen all your posts online and it looks like you've been through a lot." Then they proceeded to send me a newsletter of a text regarding what is going on with them and how busy they have been. When I replied with 2 semi lengthy and compassionate texts there was nothing... no reply, no response, not even an emoji. Ha! You've been paperclipped! 
5. Don't be too aggressive. Allow the person time to heal, give them some space. If they don't reply it is ok. You can check back later and it is perfectly fine just send soft notes of "thinking of you or hope you are well" later. Those people who were checking in on occasion were really angels who made me feel loved.