Missing Mom

I am not sure if I am ready to talk about this... The fact that I am entertaining the idea of writing about this means I am ready to some degree. Writing has alway been so therapeutic for me and I know this will help. With it being Mother's Day of course the timing is appropriate, but at the same time it is also very hard, difficult, challenging, heartbreaking and emotional. But here I am with tears in my eyes hoping that down the road this will bring some relief...

Last year, in April 2018, my birth mom passed away at the home I grew up in on Kauai. She died after a very admirable years-long aggressive physical, emotional and taxing struggle with breast cancer. A few years before that my hanai mom also passed away, while I was on a trip out of state. Thinking about my life and how I am literally alone with no parents, no siblings and no biological family within a few thousand miles is hard to take. But I am grateful for the exceptional friends who have become my family over the years and my absolutely incredible husband who each and everyday goes above and beyond for me and shows me the utmost unconditional love. 

So why am I writing this? Well, no one wants to hear a sad story or a sob story for that matter... I almost always try to post positive, uplifting or educational/beneficial content for others to enjoy. But this is part of the healing process and this is how I cope.

My mom was from Brooklyn, New York. She wanted to get as far away from the east coast as possible and stumbled upon the island of Kauai. She felt the islands called to her and that this was where she was meant to be. She was a world traveler, an impeccable writer and a woman with a lot of passion. She raised me as a single parent and did the very best that she could. She taught me many lessons about life, focus, being driven and determined and also the importance of education. 

In many ways I am somewhat like my mom and she always said I got all the good parts. In the end she was very proud of me and my accomplishments. I feel as though she instilled in me to always pursue my dreams and to work very hard. She was an animal lover, a very elegant and classy lady who loved the ocean.

Before I was born she would swim the waters of Kalihiwai Bay. When I was a baby she would bring me to the beach in a portable crib and all the locals thought she was crazy. Even as an adult when I see neighbors they would comment about how she would swim back and forth in the bay and I was on the beach playing, swimming and etc. It was only fitting that we scatter her ashes there where she was most happy and when we did my husband paddled me out. I said a few words in my mind thanking her for everything and when I poured her remains in the water at sunset she appeared to swim out to sea. 

Every day is a new day... I will always remember the good times we had and the memories we shared. Mother's Day is a very hard day... but with that I am so grateful and know that she lived a great life. 

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