My Point of Heu
So... April is a challenging time for me. I had my preventative mastectomy on April 10, 2019... My mom passed away from breast cancer on April 16, 2018 and then a few weeks later Mother's Day rolls along. Emotions are high and I start to feel down.
But, I am writing this today --- because if you follow me and know me, I really find it cathartic and healing for me to write how I feel and express my true emotions here --- I have been feeling so frustrated lately. And, I feel very badly about having these feelings but the main reason for this is every now and again I encounter someone via in-person, online or even by phone, they tend to ask me "how's your cancer." I feel badly because I do not have cancer. I think people don't understand that my choice to have this mastectomy was to prevent cancer. I understand this is a crazy concept and perhaps they don't really know what the word 'preventative' means. But, it does seem to wear on me when I find that others are somewhat disappointed to be incorrect and have a change of tone when they find out I was perfectly healthy and opted to have a surgery to hopefully prevent cancer. I did not have cancer... =(
For example. I have been interviewed by the media and 50% of the time the person who is interviewing me has been under the impression that I had cancer... then I have to explain what happened and they are so confused about it and say that isn't what they heard or that isn't the message that was conveyed to them. It makes me regret going public a bit with my story because I really don't want misinformation out there and I don't want to take away from the struggle and fight that actual cancer patients and cancer survivors go through. But, it is so challenging to make this clear for other people to understand and I think they will never understand unless they hear it from my mouth to their ears.
I expressed this regret (about sharing my story publicly) with my husband last night and he as always supports me 200% and says I have helped others out there in the world. I know this is true as I have been able to assist, counsel and guide others who were interested in mastectomy or also similar to me. it does warm my heart to see messages and emails from people who appreciate me sharing my story... so perhaps the message and the impact is really what matters most.
I reached out to a woman like me who did the previvor surgery thing and she said she gets it all the time, people assuming she had cancer also. So I just have to stop overthinking this and continue on my journey. I already started posting less about it because I started to tire of the cancer comments, so I suppose I will just keep doing my thing and push forward. in any case, thank you for helping me find my way.