Finding Myself

Do what is best for you, your body and your loved ones.

So far, 2019 has been a year full of momentous memories, great accomplishments and life changing decisions.
​After my choice to have a preventative bilateral mastectomy without reconstruction in the spring... My life focus took a new direction. Loved ones encouraged me to share my story and said that it would no-doubt help a lot of people. Most got the story right, while some misunderstood the details or heard minor inaccuracies. 

1. My decision was preventative and thankfully I did not have cancer. Once my breast tissue was removed pathology checked and found no signs of cancer cells. I made this decision with the hopes that I would prevent breast cancer from occurring. There was a brief scare last summer but it was not cancerous. 

2. I removed my natural breasts. All of my life I had never had a surgery before and some might have assumed that I had breast implants and thus had the implants removed, this is not correct. My breasts were real and I opted to have them removed without having anything else put in... So my chest is now flat without any breast tissue, or implants and no plans for future reconstruction. I know I've inspired many women with breast implants to seek having them removed due to other reasons and I applaud you, but I am not fully aware of this situation except to say that I believe you know in your heart what is best for your body. 

3. I've become an advocate... I am not an expert when it comes to cancer, I didn't have cancer. My aunt, mother and grandmother had breast cancer, but that definitely does not make me an authority on the subject. I am open to sharing my insights, experiences and thoughts, but if you have any serious concerns or need medical advice you should see a doctor. I am kind of finding my way in this new role as a breast cancer advocate and I hope you will continue to join me on this journey of awareness and prevention. 

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It's ok to get a little lost sometimes... Because that's when you will find yourself again.

I have been immensely uplifted by the 100% positive outpouring of love and support everyone has shone and shared with me. The aloha and positivity has been tremendous and I can't thank you all enough. With that... I think after spending 3 months recovering, somewhat isolated and unable to live my normal fast-paced and active lifestyle.., I felt uneasy. It's hard to describe but it was almost as though I felt I was holding myself to a higher standard and unsure of who I am now. 

Yes, I underwent a major surgery. And, I am the same person, but initially I felt uncertain of how people would look at me, perceive me and how to view myself. Often I try to give myself pep talks and analyze what kind of advice would I give to someone like me? I know that I must be who I am and who I have always been. I need to show others that I am the same and I don't need to change. Luckily, I am back to my old habits and able to do everything I was able to do before. My personality is the same (I hope) and I am enjoying the activities that I love. The only things that have changed are: I lost a little bit of weight on my chest, I am more cognizant of what clothing appears flattering on my body and I never have to wear a bra again!

At times you need to find yourself to be able to build your confidence back up. During those challenging times is when you really can pinpoint what makes you tick, what you enjoy and who you are. Sometimes your mind makes things larger than they really are and you have to just realize that you're doing the best you can and need to take it one step at a time. 

Sometimes you have to lose yourself a little to find yourself again. ​

Photos By: Craig Chang